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by postfixrevolution



Series: felix fraldarius murders sims [2]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Crack Treated Seriously, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, reddit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:21:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23321605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postfixrevolution/pseuds/postfixrevolution
Summary: My [25M] boyfriend [22M] keeps coming up with increasingly creative ways to virtually murder me. Should I be worried about our relationship?Sylvain has some Concerns about new developments in his relationship with Felix. Obviously he's going to completely circumvent talking to his boyfriend and go directly to the ever-wise internet.
Relationships: Felix Hugo Fraldarius/Sylvain Jose Gautier
Series: felix fraldarius murders sims [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1677163
Comments: 20
Kudos: 231





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**Author's Note:**

  * For [euphemea](https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphemea/gifts).



> direct sequel to [first degree](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22836406)! it isn't entirely necessary, but this fic makes a lot more sense if you read it
> 
> thank u [devin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/imalright) for beta reading, pls go read her amazing sylvix fic!!!!
> 
> this one goes out to ning, my number one cursed content enabler <3

r/relationships

posted by u/issimsalovelanguage_69  
** My [25M] boyfriend [22M] keeps coming up with increasingly creative ways to virtually murder me. Should I be worried about our relationship?  
  
**

Lately, whenever my boyfriend gets upset at me, he'll open his laptop within plain sight and start coming up with convoluted new ways to kill a Sim that looks exactly like me. Before this became a pattern, he'd usually get angry (which is really hot) or threaten me with his antique sword collection (which is also hot). 

Now, all he does is look me in the eye as little Sims!me is drowning in a ladderless pool or burning to death in a laundry machine lint trap fire. It's still kinda hot, because he gets this satisfied smirk on his face whenever I see what he's doing, but I'm starting to wonder if the flagrant, virtual murder attempts mean something else? Maybe he wants me out of his life? Like, killing an ugly little pixelated me could be some kind of metaphorical way to say he wants me gone? 

It's hard to tell with him sometimes, because I'm the sorta guy who likes to talk things out, but he tends to speak through his actions more and these actions are starting to sound REALLY loud. Am I just overthinking things? Nothing else in our relationship has changed since this started (dates, hanging out, sex, etc) but, yknow, a man gets more worried than turned on when his boyfriend grins and sets a teeny virtual version of himself on fire.

TL;DR Nothing has changed in mine and my bf's relationship, except he's picked up a habit of killing sims that look like me whenever I upset him. Should I be worried about the state of our relationship?  
  


edit X/XX/20XX - To everyone telling me I should be worried about my life and not my relationship, it's fine. My bf and I made a promise when we were like 6/8 to keep living together until we die together on the same day, so I know he won't actually kill me

edit X/XX/20XX - Please stop telling me our childhood death pact is horrifying/romantic/freaky, we both see therapists and we know. I still wanna live with him until I die, so can we get back to helping me out with my boyfriend's mixed murder-happy signals?

* * *

**gonerilgirrrrrl**  
lol idk whats going on in ur mind op but have u considered talking 2 ur bf? communication is like KEY and he needs 2 hear how freaky hot + dtf u think he is WAY more than the web does js

**swampbeastiesxoxo**  
op, this might sound crazy, but you TOTALLY remind me of two of my friends!! i think you just need to talk to your boyfriend when he's upset, and then maybe he'll stop trying to kill you. or well, kill you in the sims, at least... is that sword collection of his REAL?

**givesimsaswordmod**  
oh you've got to be fucking kidding me.

* * *

Sylvain is standing in the laundry room, thinking about the one time Felix killed his Sylvain-Sim in a laundry room lint-trap fire, when his phone rings. It startles him more than it should, buzzing violently atop the metal surface of their dryer, and visions of a lint-trap flash fire flicker behind his eyelids. He drops a soggy shirt onto the floor amidst the process of moving it to the dryer. It's Felix's. 

The ringtone is Felix's too, Sylvain realizes. His heart leaps into his throat. He's two rooms over, behind at least two closed doors. There's no way he _felt_ Sylvain drop his shirt onto the ground, right? Oh god. _Oh god_.

Dread pools in his stomach and he wedges the phone between his shoulder and ear, trying to brush off Felix's soggy shirt.

"Hey." Be casual, he tells himself. Nothing wrong happening here at all. The floor dust won't unstick itself from Felix's shirt, but it's fine. He brushes it off harder. "Any reason you're calling from inside the hou—"

"You're an imbecile."

Um, ouch?

"That's a bit harsh," he laughs, picking a stubborn strand of long, dark hair off the shirt. He should probably just throw it into the wash for another round. "At least tell a guy why before you start slinging insults, babe."

"Don't _babe_ me," Felix growls, cutting him off, " _is sims a love language, underscore sixty-nine_."

"Fe, what are you—" 

Wait. His burner account. His _r/relationships_ _burner account_. Sylvain considers hanging up the phone, if only to temporarily save himself from Felix's wrath. He is effectively saved from this decision as the laundry room door slams open, revealing a livid Felix. Still hot, Sylvain thinks, completely not of his own free will. 

Felix hangs up his phone, slamming it atop the washing machine and kicking it closed. There are still clothes in there. He storms over to Sylvain, wrenching his phone out from under his ear and slinging it and the soggy shirt in Sylvain's hands into the dryer. That one is slammed shut too. Sylvain doesn't have to time to dolefully watch his phone disappear before Felix twists a hand into his collar, dragging his gaze upward.

"Look," Sylvain begins diplomatically, holding his hands up. "I can explain."

"You went to went to an online forum full of the _biggest_ fucking idiots in internet history to ask for relationship advice instead of talking to me first?"

That's...pretty much exactly what he did. It sounds way worse coming out of Felix's mouth. 

"I didn't want to upset you?" Felix does not release his collar. "Fe? Babe?"

With an irritated growl, Felix releases him. 

"Why didn't you talk to me, Sylvain?"

Honestly, he's not sure.

"Will you believe me if I said I didn't want to be Sims-murdered again?" Silence. Sylvain sighs, deflating against the dryer. He stares at the floor instead of Felix, tracing the seams between the vinyl planks. "I dunno. I guess I didn't want to make a big deal out of it, Fe. You already read the stupid post. What more do you want from me?"

Sylvain hears a gentle creak as Felix mirrors him, leaning against the matching washing machine unit. Eventually, Felix puffs out a quiet sigh of his own, clicking his tongue. Hazel eyes lift just enough to give him a quick glance, which Felix uses to roll his eyes.

"Maybe I want the same thing as you. Spending the rest of my life with my idiotic boyfriend."

There's a fond curl to the corner of his lips as he speaks, halfway between a smirk and a smile. Sylvain ducks his head around a bright peal of laughter. 

"Careful, Fe," he lilts, lifting his head to grin up at Felix through his lashes. "You'll make a guy start thinking you're interested in marriage."

Felix, gorgeous under the incandescent laundry room light, only arches an eyebrow in challenge. His half-smirk evens out into something of a grin, sharp and bright-eyed and kicking Sylvain's heart up into his throat. He's never felt more like a man blessed. 

"Isn't that what our childhood death pact was?" he shoots back. "I never preferred the _until death_ part of the other one. Ours was _far_ more romantic."

Sylvain snorts, pushing himself off the dryer to stand opposite Felix. His boyfriend has already leaned back against the appliance, but Sylvain crowds him further against it anyway, hands on either side of him as he leans in, nudging their noses together with an impossibly wide grin. He can see Felix biting back an equally idiotic one of his own. Sylvain can't think of anything he wouldn't give to see it. 

"Yeah," he laughs breathily, "because you've always been a drama queen, even since the ripe age of six." 

"I'll set you on fire again," Felix warns, draping his arms around Sylvain's shoulders. He uses them to lift himself up onto the top of the washer, ankles hooked at the small of Sylvain's back. "Electrocute you or leave you in another ladderless pool to drown."

"But you'll go down with me, right?" Sylvain grins, prompting another roll of the eyes. "Make another little guy and toss him in the pool with me?"

Felix snorts, cutting him off with a chaste kiss. From the look of them now, wrapped comfortably around each other, Sylvain is sure it won't be the last.

"I suppose it's only fair," he drawls, eyes bright. "If it's the both of us, though, I'd rather it be more living together than dying together." 

"So you'll cool it with the murder?"

It's a nonanswer, but Felix rolls his eyes and kisses him again. Sylvain takes it as a yes.

**Author's Note:**

> i am also on [twitter](https://twitter.com/panntherism)!!


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